Learning to regulate your emotions is not an innate ability, it is taught through co-regulation with our caregivers. If your caregivers were unable to teach you how to regulate your emotions, whether due to their own lack of skills, inconsistencies or absenteeism, then it is likely that you have developed an overactive stress response system. From an outsider’s perspective, it may appear that you overreact to small stressors, become distressed easily and have a harder time getting over things.
While it is true that you may have more triggers than others and have a more difficult time returning to baseline after becoming upset, it is not an overreaction. Whether or not you react more intensely than others, your feelings are valid and this cannot be emphasized enough. Struggling to regulate emotions can be distressing at best and destructive at worst, both emotionally and physically. You genuinely experience emotions more intensely than others. Without learning how to regulate yourself when becoming upset, your body’s nervous system remains in a heightened state and it may feel like you are constantly in fight or flight mode. This leads you to say things or behave in ways that are self-destructive (alcohol and drug abuse, self-harming, aggression) and later leads to feelings of shame, guilt, remorse, anger, frustration or sadness.
In our sessions, we will work primarily on skills building so that you can put space between the trigger and your response to it. You will learn how to self-soothe using your own internal resources, identify what you are feeling, why you are feeling that way and how to process your emotions in a healthy manner. Your ability to communicate your needs in relationships will improve and you will develop the capacity to be in control of your emotions.
